having a moment

By TeenDeja in Uncategorized on August 22 2008

Some of you might be aware of my family background and a little more about my hisory. But ill give a brief story so you’ll understand what im about to talk about. For most of my life until the past 2 and a half years, my mom has been a drug addict. I’ve moved around a lot, and from about 6th grade on, only lived with her for about 2 years. Well my junior year was one of the years I tried living with her again and the last. When school ended muy junior year, I left minnesota to come back to kansas to see friends and family like people for a few weeks. Well a lot happend during those few weeks and I ended up deciding to stay in kansas and make it on my own at 17. Just turned 17 actually. I didn’t want to live in that environment aanymore and I didn’t want to live in motels my senior year.
Anyways the whole point of this story is, I often think about how far I’ve come since then. I had a suitcase of summer clothes, no place to live except with friends at the moment, no car cause my clutch went out on the way down to kansas. Now I have a life. A life I built. I have a ouse full of stuff too! And that was just a few years ago. I’ve never really considered myself a little girl, because I grew uip fast – too fast. But looking back, I was a little girl, and I think its ok to admit now that I was a little scared.
Even tho im proud of everything, I still get sad sometimes because, I don’t like to lose anything and I hardly ever do. I keep things sacred to me, always have. But when I left, my mom put all our stuff in storage and eventually it all got thrown away or sold. So I lost everything pretty much – my baby books, batism dress, jewery from my great grandmother, thousands of pictures and letters. Poems I wrote. Sometimes I still get very sad about losing it all and it saddens me even more that I won’t have those things to pass down to my children.
I try and remember that that’s not important as what I have now, things I have done and and that I have a mother that is clean and doing well and that for once in my life a whole family that is put together and talking nd happy. And that I don’t worry any more like I used to, that’s probably the best feeling and greatest relief. I don’t say it as much as I should, but I am proud of my mom, and am eternally grateful to my nana, and will always love my little brother as a mother loves her child – unconditionally.
These are just things io was thinking about laying here in bed. I was having a moment.

Goodnight
Xoxo
Deja